The man who kissed my solitude

How boring it could get?

An unknown place accompanied by solitude. Though it wasn’t tough during the week but it seemed that the weekends were never ending. My cousins kept saying oh! It’s a lot of fun! We keep hanging around. You should come down. But sadly the real weekends in cosmos were all about running to Spencer and Reliance Fresh in the morning hours and running behind your kids in the malls in the evenings when your wives are busy checking every possible discount in the cart. I didn’t look forward to spend such half-hazard time with them hence chose to be with myself.

For me spending some quality time in the kitchen and listening to some old Rafi songs were more important than to run behind my nieces and nephews in the malls!

Oh! Those best of friends and their plans of a girls’ day out never materialized. It was all about street shopping else spending time with their new partners.

Hence, I enjoyed walking through the streets of my locality and finally grabbing a cup of coffee at the only outlet of barista around the place. I specifically chose barista as they let me play scrabble all day with lovely coffee. What more could I ask for?

It’s been a windy and rainy weekend and my roommate is off for a trip. I have been extremely tempted to have warm cup of coffee. I struggled with the lazy me and was all ready for it wearing my college sweat shirt. More than anything it reminds me of being independent and interesting!

I reached, ordered my favourite Cafe Mocca and grabbed my comfortable zone- near the scrabble board. But today I wasn’t alone. I had company. I hesitated to gel up with this new person who seemed equally lonely as me but as they say a lot can happen over a coffee, he comforted me. We played few boards of scrabble and laughed aloud on every silly joke he had to share. For once I felt good being a lonelier. My weekend seemed perfect after days of struggle at my work place. We decided on timings to catch up the next weekend. And so on I had some of the perfect weekends as thought with this new friend. Now I was more addicted to that joyous time I spent in barista more than the coffee and scrabble which was ideal fun days back.

One more weekend had come. I got stuck with some work at home. I felt guilty for not being there as my friend would be waiting. So I decided to go. It was late in the evening; I walked to the coffee shop and grabbed a muffin not the usual coffee. I hurried to grab my seat as a couple was heading towards it. I arranged the scrabble board as it was left untouched. I realised that my friend didn’t make it either. What happened? It isn’t his usual self. He comes every Saturday. What happened? I couldn’t wait any more, so went and asked the owner. He looked sad and started crying. I didn’t understand his reaction. Finally he informed me that Mr Sharma was no more. He passed away suffering from sudden heart attack and his sons are here to do his last rites. I was startled! I couldn’t believe his words. Mr Sharma was a friend, philosopher and fatherly figure for me in that lonely place. His toffee treats; his appropriate words in the game were not just a matter of time pass but gave meaning to my confused young self. I am sad. I don’t know if my family and friends would be able to comprehend what I am thinking, what I expect and what I look forward to in life, but Mr Sharma did.

Mr Sharma, I miss you... May your soul rest in peace...

Mirror

Courtesy- Saswat Patnaik

It was indeed hard for me to leave my family, my loved ones and travel so far off. But it was a dream which I had carved for myself since I realized the fun of having ones own dreams. I was said dreams never come true. The reality check was always in front of me. An average student from school with varied interest areas, definitely success of this world was not meant for me. It was not my belief per se, but the belief of those who were supposed to be my ideals. Teachings were not something which I got easily. Being one amongst the lot, I was never treated as special. The generality of life if not destined but was imposed on me. Something different, something extraordinary was not me as I was one among the lot.

I definitely didn't have any passion as I was not best in what I was sent to do. Education for me was a medium to learn rather to prove. My ideas were not considered out of the box but hardly qualified to be any idea. Running in the lot for grabbing the first seat has never been me.But I had a motive in my life.

Time passed and I was happy for being what I am, what I have been. Petty race, petty fights amused me but hardly ever attracted me. I definitely didn't need a shoulder to cry on. I definitely didn’t enjoy being one proving my power, simply because I respected myself being one with no great powers.

Ideas indeed ran through my mind, not unique but very common ones. And yes I did feel special and passionate about them as they were mine. It was never the race of doing something different and proving but it was about doing what I wanted to. My race was not with the mass as the mass was the reason for what I have been and not what I could be. Peers were never hurdles but bridges on my way. My journey would have been dry and effortless without the world racing with me.

Dreams never come true yet I am living it. I am still carving my life at my own desire with a hope to have it till the time I want to. An average student from school if not successful on the victory meter but definitely is successful on the satisfaction meter. Life is not meant to be different or to different but to be and remain what we are.

Colours of Life

The feeling of optimism is indeed essential but the race for freedom and growth carves a depressing picture of it and thus generating pessimist vibrations all around. Competition had always been a reason of depression for me. Not for the fact of it making me slog hard but for it simply imbibing negative pressure within. I would not accept the argument that I do not take the competition in healthy mind but would blame on the way the competition has always been inflicted on us. We have never been trained either in our schools or our homes (exceptions being always existing) to fight with the spirit of enjoying it. Question has always been like -He could do it and why couldn't you? Rather than- If you want to do it, definitely you will succeed.

These things though being long time back stories but have very pathetically affected all of us. Sadly, till the end of our lives we wouldn't be able to overcome this pessimistic feeling until we realize for ourselves. In the peer group, the problem having its major effect today every individual has become extremely self centered and selfish. The concept of WE has become extinct. Even the siblings fail to follow the sting.

There have been many such experiences with me those have made me strongly believe the ill effects of this competitive world. There is a blatant denial of any help or understanding amongst people making the world a hostile place to live in.This is nothing but a chronic disease spread all over leading the world to die.

A wish to cure it puts a responsibility on thyself to spread the aroma of freshness and love which indeed would bring the scent of love and brightness all over.

A thought to ponder on ;-)

A time passes so do people and situations trul. Things which we would have in the past would have thought to the last to come in our lives might just seem the appropriate obvious in the so called present lives we leave in. I call it the techy era and others in some other kinda names. But sure it clicks one thing in the mind of many. Are very moving too fast. Why is easy for us too see the world as complicated and busy than before. Why have we left interest in the quality of life we believed in time back then. Is it leading us more close to be a global village.
The least I can say is a desire of hope to have the ability and want to enjoy the globe being village being next to us and we feeling humans around us as part of us!

Un-named relationships they are...

Yes they have been famous with me since my adolescence, may be its because of my likeliness towards not thinking rather judging on what they are and where are they moving towards. Going beyond the line to have my relations with any one I am comfortable with and not really judging upon what I should be doing at what age, couldn’t make me more comfortable with the world I live in. And so have I always certain peculiar circles over me if not comparing the world over but at least the world or the people I live with, make my life with.
Fun is not the only thing that I experience through them but also a kind of enjoyment which I think is essential for me when I look through the days. But how far can I pull them which are the question that always pops in my mind. I somehow avoid them and move on as nothing can cover your happiness even if they are short-lived.
One day they end, as naming a relation becomes important to you too. But never do you want to lose those precious un-named ones.
Cheers to all my un-named relations. Even if they don’t recognise me anymore, I thank them for being there with me through the thick and thin times of my life and being special to me.

25 random things about me :)

1. Don't go by looks! People think I am an innocent creature. But not my parents who had to rush to the hospital at 10pm as their daughter just messed up while gazing through the balcony to discover how do u go down in a short time :). Still I am alive.

2. A quick learner just back then when there was nothing much to learn other than riding cycle. Yeah 5yrs was an achievement!

3. Pampered and tortured- go well with the youngest kid. Was buried in the sand till a dog could come and smell my red flesh n go!

4. Ambuja cement people should have called me for their adds. Would have gained a lot more profit. Wash basin and filter fell on me. They broke. I m still typing :)

5. You cannot beat me no matter how hard you try and that's in a fancy dress competition. "Joker"- That's my specialty.

6. I cry cry cry a lot! Yeah Emo Kid!

7. Benefits- I took them all. Teacher's daughter "window seat in bus" :P

8. "Mera number bhi ayega"- My favorite quote when that 6 feet bony guy blackmailed me while watching TV and eating my chocolates! Yeah I am prepared to rob half of his salary now :)

9. A true saggitarien.. Has had 100s of crushes. The 1st one in 1st class. (I never studied!) Now cannot find a guy to have crush on :(

10. Surprises I love them! They love me too. So, its me who gives them all the time. :) (Event management would have been a good carrier choice for me)

11. My 18th bday made sure that I would not be alone ever in all the coming birthdays and I can celebrate my bday anytime I want. Thanks to miki and gargi Now I have every one wishing me anytime I want to. Lappy and the CD! ( yes the best possible gift I could ever be given and Indeed the best day! when I was officially adult!) And ya Mom, dad's surprise Silver anniversary party though bhaina took the credit for flying back thanks to Indigo else I am sure he would not have been able to afford it! Still It was very special :)
12. Yeah I am divorcing after 50! Have loads of plans for my self! Rishikesh and Lakshaweep and the Cottage Restaurant.

13. Third time going on. Yes! I definitely love the novel! "The Fountain Head". "Howard Roark" - I Love You

14. I hate Maths officially. It has been the reason of constant pain during my "hasne khelne ke din ":P

15. My man! Oh Bhaina says he doesn't exists and would not be there in any of the planets too (now when I am in short of one more planet!) Still I am waiting sigh***

16. Oom says I look like Kajol!I don't care about others. Coz "Bache Dil ke sache" ;)

17. Gupchup, Keshari square and rain! Awesome combination!Yeah if you too love that then I love you for sure :D

18. I am a lazy bum! I don't work! Who will recruit me :-(

19. Khamoshi- The best of Sanjay leela Bansali ever! Awesome movie and my all time favorite.

20. I should be loving Gandhi Nagar but I hate it. What reason??

21.Awful Dancer. Still my friends have to pull me everywhere and give me the toughest steps so that I am badly hurt and cannot move from the bed least for 3 days!

22. I love sleeping, sleeping and sleeping.

23. I talk while am asleep. Don't freak out. I have walked too :)

24. As a kid I had some strange fascination towards specs. So conveniently got them in my 4th class. Now I hate them so conveniently changed my doc to get lens :)

25. Indians love giving gyans and few of them I have at home and my loved ones. But even I am an Indian. How do I give them gyans in return.( Big question to worry about) Something then popped up in my small brain " Study Law"! "Sab apne aap chup ho jayenge". Ho raha hai! woh sab kuch ho raha hai! :P

I am so happy to beat some one! Hope that some-one is enjoying reading this piece of crap! :P

I have been thinking!

I have been thinking all day what I should do. Till the evening 5pm I could figure out what should I do? I have many things to do but I am not getting any motivation to do. Motivation what is it? Is it any exterior force or compulsion on me? Else is it simply my dormant state passion. Yeah I am sure it is in dormant state coz it did exist that’s the simple reason for me to be what I am today. “Nothing” has become my favourite word that’s what a friend complains every day. But from where do I make up stories when I haven’t had a happening day. Everything seems very usual to me. Yes the yuckiest word for me at least “Usual”. I have hated the word from the very beginning. I don’t expect my life to happening and rocking everyday but something which I have feared the most is having a routine life.
I know I don’t hate it. But something is stopping me to love it. What is it? Is it just my frame of mind which is looking for something specific that’s not meant for me? Or I am just not prepared for it. Or is it that I don’t want it now but I am not sure of it?
Yes too many questions surround me today. But how do I find the answer? I left it on time. But that definitely didn’t satisfy me. Is it so I am getting impatient about nothing?
Or do the questions have some meaning to them...

Secularism – Redefined!

The Dictionary definition of Secularism states “rejection of religion or any kind of religious considerations”. It does not recognises any religion per se. And I am pretty sure, the respected constitution framers of our constitution would have wanted to insert this particular word keeping its literal meaning intact. We were not supposed to recognise any religion apparently, which would mean implicitly respecting each other’s religion and giving them due recognition looking into India’s assorted culture and tradition.
But how far have we been able to understand and propagate this meaning of secularism? With 63 years of India’s independence, we have got enough time to try and understand the motive behind the framing of the constitution and the respected laws as they have been essentially made to benefit the general society and help to keep peace in the society. Though I agree that we have a diverse society where the number of cultures mixed together would be lot more than the colours of the Rainbow, but definitely it doesn’t just gives a licence to fight like morons and make a fool of ourselves.
The hue and cry we have during elections with communism and regionalism gaining huge influence on the people, the riots where the mobs generally do not have any clue of the devastation they create, the political cat fights where they are just against each other for the very sake of having differing opinions in spite of lack of matter in it and the list would go on and on!
Every time is it so we fail to understand why we stand united as a country together or we do not give a damn to it? We boast to be Indians but how many of us truly respect the basic features that bind so many diverse cultures together? If we do then why do we show such immaturity and make a mockery of ourselves?